Hookah!

Last night, I tried the whole Hookah thing. It was quite interesting and different since I don't smoke or anything and haven't really ever in my life. I actually liked it though. I mean it's not something I would do often or all the time, but it was definitely worth the try. We (me and my best friend) had the strawberry kind. The other four girls we went with had vanilla and then a mixture of kinds which were very good also. They do this all the time or have done it before. My best friend and I were new to it however. It was great fun though.

Besides doing the Hookah, we had so much fun. We laughed and talked and basically "acted a fool" in the Hookah place, Shisha's! I haven't laughed that hard in a while. They were so funny and goofy, very different from the people I'm used to hanging out with. I think we were the loudest ones in the place. Everyone kept looking at us and what not. It was great fun though and I can't wait to do it again, the hangin' part, not the hookah part. =)

I Love You?

I Love You. These words are said by so many, but what do they really mean? So many people say them without meaning it. It just sounds good or sounds like the right thing to say to some people. So many people are scared to tell the truth about how they feel. They feel that if their partner says it to them, then it's only right to say it back whether they mean it or not. I used to be one of these people. I've honestly only been in love and loved someone hard once. I knew it was real because I put up with so much because of him. He had my heart and wouldn't give it back. And then when he wanted to give it back, I didn't want to take it back because I just knew we would get back together eventually. I have my heart back now.

My boyfriend now I love to death. I've known him for three years. We haven't been together but a couple months though. Some might say I'm just saying the words without really feeling it. They don't know what we've been through these last couple of months. Even though it's a long distance relationship, I honestly feel it will work. He is amazing. He's put up with me constantly accusing him of cheating and me just talking crazy to him all the time. He tells me I'm evil because I get mad over every little thing. He's still here though, so I know he cares. He makes me feel amazing. Like I'm the best girl in the world. Like I'm the only girl in his world besides his mother and family of course. I'm always happy when I am with him and when I'm not, he still treats me the same, unlike my first love. He's changed so much for me. I trust him and am trying to change for him also, which is something I never do and never tried to do before. At first I wondered if it was real and I thought I was just saying the words without feeling them, but now I know it's real. I couldn't imagine my life without him at all. I hope we make it and I will do everything in my power to make sure it works. I know he will do the same also. He currently has my heart, whether he knows it or not.

Lessons Learned.

I sometimes try and figure out why do people make mistakes in life? I mean, they make the mistakes, say I'm sorry, and then say they "regret" what they did. Why do we regret something if it's what we wanted at that particular point in our life? Yes, it hurt someone, and you feel bad about it and say how you wish you would have never done it and so on, yet when you did it, you were happy, not thinking about the consequences. I've done this and been through it so many times in life, I lost count. Recently, however, I messed up big time. I almost lost two very important people in my life over something that was non-important to me.

My friend was talking to this guy who she really liked. I somehow begin to talk to him on the phone and telling him how much I liked him. I mean, he did the same thing and provoked a lot of it and even told me all I had to do was tell him I wanted to be with him and he would leave my friend alone. I couldn't bring myself to do this. I already felt bad for talking to him behind her back so I definitely couldn't do that. Plus, I'm not that type of person. I didn't want him that bad. This guy was also my current boyfriend's close friend. My boyfriend and I broke up for a couple weeks and thats when all of this happened. When I finally told my best friend and boyfriend about this, they both blew up on me and I just didn't know what to do. I knew it was the end. My boyfriend forgave me first. He's a very forgiving person. My best friend, however, was really hurt and felt betrayed, which I don't blame her at all. Finally after a few days of me begging and my boyfriend talking to her, we finally spoke and talked about it. Everythings back to normal now, but it still kills me inside knowing how bad I messed up. I know I will never do this again because I don't want to risk losing those I love for something I don't.

Growing Up...To Fast.

Is it a bad thing to grow up "to fast"? I think it is. Some people have no choice due to circumstaces such as an unstable and one parent homes. I mean they have to help out at the house and everything. I know a few people like this. It's actually sad because you can see how it affects their lives. A lot of them didn't have a childhood and some of them have kids of their own already. They never knew what it was like to be a child or teenager because they always had to be at home watching their younger siblings or going to work. I couldn't imagine not having gotten to live my life to the fullest and experience things as a child and teenager that have helped me develop today and appreciate when I was younger.

I don't know what it's like to grow up too fast. I mean as a child I participated in sports and things I wanted to do. My parents never forced me to do something I didn't like or want to do. They let me be a child. As a teenager, things didn't really change at all. I had a few more responsibilities but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I still got to do the teenager thing. When I got to high school I had a few more options and priviledges than I did when I was in junior high. I got to go out more and experience life more. I did have curfew and everything though. My parent's were very strict. But I am so appreciative of it today. It's helped me appreciate my life more and just being on my own. I know how to be a responsible adult. Now that I am grown I can live my life as a responsible young adult. I'm still learning things and I'm still making mistakes, but that's just part of being human. We learn and move on. (and try not to make the same mistake twice).

I Lost It.

Last night, I went to the movies with my best friend. I was having so much fun. We went to see the new Step Up movie. Of course like all dance movies, the dancing was the best part. But it wasn't too bad of a movie anyways. We got there like fifteen minutes late. To our surprise, the man let us in for free. So after the movie, we went to eat at Ihop. I was so excited because I had been wanting some pancakes so bad. Why? I have no idea, but I did. So I'm all hyper and what not, ready to eat and everything. Now its time to pay. I went into my purse and was shocked when my wallet wasn't there. I begin to panic. I looked in the car and everything. It was no where to be found.

My best friend paid for my food which was nice even though we always help each other out anyways. So after that we went back to the movie theater and looked in the parking lot since the inside was closed already. Nothing. So I went back to my dorm room and turned it inside out looking for that wallet. Nothing. I called and cancelled my credit card and everything and I just prayed that when I went the next morning to the theater to ask if they had it, it was there. I rushed to theater this morning and asked if they had found a wallet. He pulled out one, that wasn't it. My heart dropped. To my surprise, he pulled out the next one. That was it. I was so happy. I don't think I've been happier in my life. That wallet was too cute to lose. Lol. They took my money but everything else was there. I didn't even care about my twenty dollars. I was just happy to see my wallet.

Changes.

So my life hasn't been to great as of late. This year I was supposed to make some major changes from doing better in school, to eating better, working out, to making better decisions about the guys I choose to talk to, and just trying to make something positive happen. I've been struggling and haven't stuck to it much at all. School is so hard. I hate to study but I'm trying. I could be doing better about staying on top of my classes and everything though. I'm working on it though. Hopefully I'll see some improvements in my classes. As for eating right and working out, thats a different story. I gave up sodas and candy for new years. I made it till now which is better than last year. I work out twice a week because of my P.E. class, but I'm working on making a better effort to go to the rec and what not. As for the boys part, I'm doing good. I have a wonderful boyfriend in my life for now. He doesn't live here which is definately hard on both of us. But from what I can tell we're both determined to make it work. And if it doesn't, it's fine. I've suffered worse heartaches. You'll know though cause I'll probably write about it.

It's hard trying to change things in your life especially when your used to how things are. You become complacent with where your life is and think that it can't be better. I was like that for a long time. Why I'm just realizing I need to make some changes, I have no idea. I'm happy I finally came to my senses though. These changes will help me out tremendously and will make me so much happier. If they don't work out, then I'll just keep trying until i get positive results. I'm a determined person and am willing to sacrifice myself and people to get there. Sometimes, as I've learned the hard way, that you have to let people in your life go that don't want to be there no matter how bad you want to keep them there in order to make something good happen. So I'm excited to see the outcome of these changes. I'll keep you posted.

2007.

The year 2007 was definately one to remember. So much happened in my life, both good and bad. My basketball season was definately one to remember. It was the best season ever and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I graduated from my high school with a 3.7 GPA. I guess just graduating period would have to be wonderful. I miss all my friends and everything but I wanted to get out so bad. I miss basketball mostly. I attended FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) camp in early June. It was so much fun and just a life changing experience. I met so many wonderful people. I moved to San Marcos and now attend Texas State. I love it here. I hated it at first but now it's good. I have so many great memories but I can't recall them all right now. But those were just some of the great ones.

The worst part of the year was losing 4 people that I knew and loved all within a 2 month span. First my classmate who was also my friend along with her boyfriend, who i grew up with and adored, died in a car accident on July 10th. It was devastating to our community and hit our town hard. It killed me and hurt so bad. I couldn't believe it at all. On August 7th, my friend who was just 11 years old and attended my church, died of diabetic complications. I loved this girl dearly and would often help her with problems she was having in school. She would always come into H.E.B where I worked and give me a big ol' hug. It's so hard going to church now and not seeing her smiling face and seeing her little brother but not her. On August 27th, I lost my great uncle. He died of natural causes. I loved him also even though he would upset me sometimes because he would tell my parents stuff he heard that wasn't true and get me in trouble. But he's family and was a very religious man. Now that I'm older, I know he was just looking out for me becuase he didn't want me to end up like some of the people in my family and our town. He was a great man and I miss him also. It took me a long time to understand why all of this happened. But I know now that God had other plans for them. They're in heaven where they're safe from harm. I can't wait to see them all again one day.

Basketball.

I love basketball and I think it's the greatest sport on earth. Even though I'm not very good at I try. But I know I'm not to bad, I just need some work. I've always loved it, but through out my junior high and high school years, my love for it grew even more. In junior high, I just played it for fun and what not. When I got in high school, I learned there was much more to it. I was and still am really weak. I didn't play rough and I was just too nice. I love to shoot from the outside but not much of an inside//post person. I did get better though. Much much much better.

My senior year is when I really started to work on and improve my game. I ran cross country just to get better. It helped so much. I was in much better shape when basketball season rolled around and I was determined to be of importance to my team. I ended being one of the best three point shooters on our team. I helped take us to the regional semi-final game where we lost to a team that ended up making it to the state final game. It was the best team I had ever been on since I started playing basketball. I had never had so much fun in basketball ever and my team was just great. I miss them so much and wish I could go back and do it all over again.